As I sit here suffering through another major sporting event on television, my attention is diverted from the game by a mystery ailment. I have this pain in my side that keeps "flaring up". It just started tonight and will no doubt be gone by morning. There's probably a 99.9% chance it's just a gas pain like always and although I know this, I still can't help but wonder if I'm actually dying of the sudden onset of a rare disease.
I refuse* to check WebMD because no matter what your symptoms - from hangnails to something in your eye - they'll have you believe you are looking death in the face and should rush to the ER pronto. I'm pretty sure WebMD is actually run and sponsored by a partnership between cancer and anxiety.
Maybe there's just too much information available for those of us that are not trained to know such assumptions are ridiculous. I am my own worst enemy when it comes to these things. I want to know every detail, possibility and cause no matter how rare or unlikely. I then use this information to decide which would be the worst possibility and then I diagnose myself with that.
As I mentioned, I have a pain in my side and I'm pretty certain it's just a digestive side-effect. However, I can't help but think that I could be playing host to a giant parasite or that my liver has spontaneously ruptured. I have to convince myself that these scenarios are not likely, but then anxiety kicks in and I now believe I feel other symptoms supporting my theory.
The anxiety then starts giving my chest pains. Gripping my side, I think to myself that the last thing I need right now is a heart attack because this parasite is just going to go to town on my ruptured liver while I'm in a weakened state. That very thought scares me to the point that I'm now getting the sweats and and having heart palpitations. Is this numbness in my left side normal? Surely it would have nothing to do with me leaning on that arm the whole time I'm typing this. It's probably a stroke. I better tell my husband what's going on because if I fall out, he can tell the paramedics that I stroked out during a heart attack brought on by a ruptured liver and a giant parasite. Can you imagine how long it would take them to figure all that out without being told? I could be dead by then. Better not take the chance. I fully expect to get a major eye roll and probably an "Oh Gawd" from him but better safe than sorry right?
*by "refuse" I mean I will likely go check before I finish typing this sentence.
