kids and dogs from opposing perspectives...

Dogs are great right?  I mean what kind of person doesn't love dogs!  I have always been a big-time dog person.  I've loved them since I was born, and I love them today.  When you have kids, you have to have a dog.  Why?  Because it's a rite of passage.  Kids learn so much from dogs and they provide protection and companionship and all that crap.  That's what they say anyway.  I think that's not 100% true all the time.  Sure, some dogs are straight out of a story book but I think many of them either feel like frazzled parents or worse, like mistreated step-children.

When I was a kid, all I wanted was a dog.  When I played, I pretended I was a dog.  I got all excited when the Dog Show came on TV and watched it like it was the kid version of the Super Bowl.  I even tried a Snausage once.  I loved my dog.  LOVED her!!  I made her run around the living room on a leash so I could pretend I was on the dog show myself.  I used to try to curl up next to her on the recliner when she looked so nice and comfy.  I would force her to sleep in my bed by carrying her into my room and locking her in there....and putting her on my bed over and over as she tried desperately to escape.  I was sure she just was confused, because why wouldn't she want to be on my bed with me hugging her tight all night long?  I loved her and she loved me.  Well, that was how I saw it anyway.  Now, looking back, I'm pretty sure she must have hated my guts.

As I sit here reminiscing, I think about how that poor dog must have felt and what she was thinking while she endured all of my "shows of affection".  No wonder she ran away.  While I was home crying for her, thinking about how scared and lonely she must be and that surely she was on a quest to come find me, I now have to lean more towards the theory that she was actually trotting through town with her own background music and a smile from ear to ear.  I've learned now that dogs do NOT like being mauled 24 hours a day.  Nor do they like trying to keep up on their leash while you are on your bike.  They CERTAINLY don't like when you pick them up while they are trying to sleep or when you put clothes on them, and they are not "smiling" when they show their teeth and growl at you.  I never recognized this reality until I had children of my own and now watch my poor dog try to tolerate my kids.

My dog tries and I give him credit.  He's 12 years old and even though the kids pull his fur, chase him around, squeeze his face, take his toys and try to use him as a "horsie", he for the most part, doesn't usually attack them.  It's often a pretty close call though.  I never even realize the poor thing is being tortured until he creeps into the kitchen with kids dragging behind him, unwilling to release their grips.  To me, him and the rest of the free world it would appear as though they are abusing him.  But to them, they must think he absolutely loves it and just loves them so much that he's going to give them a "ride" to the kitchen via his tail fur.  The whites of his eyes and that desperate look he's giving me tells me otherwise.  I imagine it's the same look my dog Sandy used to give my mom when she would tell me to "just leave the damn dog alone already!".  I never understood why she cared that the dog and I were having such a marvelous and mutually enjoyable time together!!  Now I know it's because she was seeing that same desperate face that I'm seeing now!

Sonny is a good sport through it all.  I'm still sure he would love nothing more than for the kids to just move out (he'll never see it in his lifetime -  shhh! no one tell him) but until then he will just continue to shed, bark too much, tear up the garbage, take the occasional crap in the den and barely tolerate the kids.  He does however totally redeem himself with his love, affection and cuteness... and by cleaning the kitchen floor after meals "wif he's vacuum mouf" as my 4 year old explained it.

I'm trying a new workout routine...

Yesterday's workout being my first, I expected some beginner's complications - and BOY did I have them.  I'm not even talking about just physical complications either, even though there were plenty of those too.


First of all, I have 3 kids, including a 4 year old who does not sleep.  That's why I chose my work out routine to be the "10 Minute Trainer" in the first place.  It's the only one I thought I could squeeze in to my nightly routine of tucking him in 89 times, getting 17 glasses of water, cleaning up 16 spilled glasses of water, supervising 12 trips to the bathroom...you get the picture.  Well last night I had added complications.  


My 10 minute workout took 50 minutes worth of mishaps just to be ready to go.


9:45pm: Living room DVD player is broken.  I have the one in my bedroom that I only used once when I bought the Stepbrothers DVD.  In fact, that was when it first came out and that DVD was still in there.  Anyway, glad I found it. 


9:55 Finally got the DVD player disconnected from the TV in my room and brought it to the den.  The den (which also doubles as the play room) is knee-deep with toys so I have to first to clear a spot.  I'm not going to lie, I probably broke some (most) of them while kicking them in frustration.


10:00 Now, back to hooking up this DVD player.  Oops!  These wires don't work for this old TV.  Searched the whole house and finally found the right ones. At last it's connected!!  Let's do this!!


10:05 Oh crap, where is the remote?  Scour the house for the remote and give up.  I will just press the buttons the old fashion way.  OK press PLAY. It is ON like Donkey Kong!!


10:10 Uh oh.  Why is it making that sound and why is that light blinking?  Oh, it's because the DVD player doesn't work now.  Nothing will play, not even Stepbrothers!! I'm not going to quit, I said I was starting Monday and I'm going to start if it kills me!!  I'll get the trusty ol' laptop.


10:15 "OK who used the laptop and didn't plug it in!!!????" Laptop is dead.  Fine.  i will climb behind the cabinet upstairs to disconnect the power cord and bring it in the den.


10:20 oh good, 100 updates needed to the laptop since this afternoon.  Click "remind me later" a hundred times.  Disk in.  lets go!!


10:25 Laptop is frozen.  Restart.  Now the sound doesn't work.  Restart.  anything else!!!??????


10:35 Begin workout.


10:45 I've collapsed on the floor.  I'm trying to pour water into my face but my arm can't lift off the ground.  At least it was a good workout.