The Nightmare of the Twice-remodeled Bathroom

Well, we did it again.  We decided to remodel something in our house that we probably* had no business doing.  I do have to hand it to us though because when it was finally done, our new bathroom turned out beautifully.  With the exception of our one friend, we did this thing completely on our own and I am very proud of our work.  My husband really has become quite the craftsman when it comes to tile work.

We bought our house six years ago knowing full-well it was a major fixer-upper.  In fact, I think we might have saved a buck or two by just plowing that son-of-a-bitch down and starting fresh.  We had to redo every single room in this house.  EVERY room.  And when I say "redo" I don't mean some quick cosmetic fixes just slapping some paint on the walls either.  We are talking down to the studs, new walls, new floors, new fixtures, new electrical, new everything you can think of.  Clearly we bought for the neighborhood and for that I have no regrets.  It's a great neighborhood, a nice place to raise kids, my mom's house is a mere 2 minute drive, we have great neighbors (well, except for that ONE guy) and it's perfectly located dead center between my job and my husband's job.  So at the end of the day, it was a score but getting to where we are today was just horrific.  There's no sugar coating it.

This most recent remodel is the second one for that same bathroom.  Yes, the second one in six years.  Why you ask?  Well because for starters we never finished it last time.  Add to it the fact that I didn't research the materials I chose and because of that, they didn't hold up well to the moisture.  The vision then was white wainscoting from the floor up to about 4 feet.  Then a nautical blue paint.  The floor and shower enclosure was slate tile and to offset the rough, rugged stone I chose polished chrome fixtures.  In my head and in the clippings I used for inspiration it looked fantastic.

Flash forward four years - the blue paint never made it to the walls because the top trim on top of the wainscoting never was installed.  For that same reason, I also never painted the wainscoting.  In our defense, we don't have a table saw to be able to make the proper cuts need for the trim so technically none of this is our fault.  Whatever our excuse, not paining the wainscoting would prove to be a critical mistake.  Did you know that if left unpainted, the particular wainscoting I have will swell and basically flake apart entirely when it comes in contact with moisture?  Not a good mix when you are raising a little boy whose idea of a good time is to sneak off and spend all day splashing water from the bathroom sink onto the walls.

This time we were going to do it right.  We measured everything, considered everything, did price comparisons, added up our rough estimate and then after weeks of mulling it over, we went to Home Depot and I pulled the trigger.  I said "honey, for my birthday I want a new bathroom.  I have my Home Depot card on me and we are buying everything right here and now".

We were off to a fairly smooth start.  Well, with the exception of having both kids with us and neither one of them taking a break from being impossible, demanding, loud little monsters the whole time in the store.  In spite of that, I was pleased to find all the materials came to under $700.  Not bad!  When we left, we had a minivan jam packed with all the beach gear we never took out and everything a person would need to build a new bathroom (providing they forgot half of the materials as we did).

On Friday we began the demolition and were very excited that "by Monday" we should have a functioning bathroom and "by Wednesday" it would be completely finished.  We had strict deadlines to keep us on task.  It had to be done by Wednesday because we were going out of town overnight on Thursday and then Saturday we were having everyone over for a birthday party.  Yea, no pressure there.  I was sure we could do it though.  I work well under pressure and the people on TV do stuff like this all the time.  There were plenty of episodes of "Weekend Warriors" where they got this done without issue.  Besides, we'd already ripped the walls down 4 years ago, so we shouldn't have any surprises this time around.

As always we were dead wrong.  There were still surprises.  For instance, when we put the wainscoting up we naturally assumed it would be up for a while.  We certainly never anticipated ripping it down any time in the forseeable future.  That is why 8 gallons of glue was applied in addition to the 30,000 nails.  In spite of the gratification we got ripping it down, we just were not prepared for the glue ripping most of the wall off with it.  We had some major patch work to do now.  Half a bucket of spakle and a day and a half later and the problem was still no better.  The spakle just refuses to dry and what's worse is that the paper from the sheetrock was peeling off now too.  There was no way we were getting a smooth wall out of this.  The easy and much cheaper fix would have been to replace the sheetrock.  Instead, we decided we would just tile the walls all the way around the bathroom instead of just in the shower.  Sure it might take a little longer, and cost a fortune, but it will look so nice!

Now we have to buy a ton more tile and go to multiple Home Depots because ours doesn't have enough in stock!  Further, we have to figure out how to handle all the corners and cuts and everything else.  In addition to paying for all the extra material, my husband is going to need a real tile saw now.  Not like the piece of crap that has just barely gotten him by for all of our other projects.  There goes a couple hundred more dollars, but it was money well spent.  He sets up everything beautifully and he is ready to get this job done.  The tile saw is outside and everything he needs is neatly lined up beside it.  Probably two tiles in and it starts raining.  We had to break down the entire works and set it up in the kitchen.  As if it's not hard enough trying to remodel a bathroom with three kids in the house, now we have a wet saw in the middle of the kitchen.  In case you are not familiar, these things spray water - and not clean water, it's more of a cement-like mixture.  It's not something you want indoors, least of all in your kitchen when you still have a family to feed.  Lets hope this rain doesn't stick around.

I think it rained for 12 straight days.  We missed our deadline by a LONG shot.  I rescheduled our trip out of town and I moved the birthday party to the following weekend.  Did I mention that the entire bathroom is being tiled in subway tile?  That means that instead of my husband having to put up a bunch of big square tiles, he has to put up literally 500+ small ones one at a time and if you go off level at any point, you will ruin the entire thing the rest of the way around the room.  I really do have to commend my husband though.  He did an amazing job.  It is really impressive.

While we were working on all of this, the kids have made this experience go from a difficulty level of "quite difficult" to "so impossible that we contemplated abandoning everything we know and just starting a new life - alone - without even each other - or a forwarding address".  Children are naturally curious so I understood why they insisted on being right in the mix of the work.  However, it's pretty dangerous for them to be around - especially considering the fact that they both completely insist on being barefoot at all times.  They did nothing but cry, scream, fight and get hurt through the entire project.  Every two minutes (and I mean that literally) someone was calling me for something.  It was absolutely maddening.  They couldn't just go play for even a half hour without a major problem.  The worst is that my daughter decided that she wasn't going to be potty trained any more.  I was switching between roles of Stone Mason and Mommy and although challenging, I didn't mind it too much.  What I did not appreciate was when the roles of Laborer and Janitor were added.  As I was spakling and collecting garbage, my daughter was peeing and pooping all over the house as if she were a new puppy.  She was even taking great joy in it as I lost my mind.  She would walk into the bathroom barefoot as we screamed at her to get out because it's dangerous.  Instead of heeding our warnings, she would push through smiling and singing "I peeeeeed!".  She was peeing her pants without any regard for anyone or anything around her.  The carpet in the den really took a beating, as did any toys, chairs, couches, pets and siblings that had the misfortune of being under her.  Clearly she was doing it for attention.  The pooping everywhere was even worse.

My sister-in-law offered to take the kids for a little while one day so we could get some work done without them in the way.  God Bless her and thank goodness she came when she did.  I'm pretty sure at one point my husband said something like "don't ever bring them back" and I can't be certain they heard me, but at one point I did refer to the kids as "assholes" so I think it was in everyone's best interest that the house clear out for a bit.  This project was really bringing out the worst in both of us.  My poor babies.

Another great challenge was having to still feed and care for everyone while the place was under construction.  If you've ever done any kind of project at home or even had professionals come do work, you know that no matter how much of a precaution you take, dust and debris still manages to get EVERYWHERE in the house.  The tile saw in the kitchen was just the icing on the cake to what was already a disaster.  I think one of my favorite parts was when I was standing at the stove holding lids over everything to keep it uncontaminated as I cooked while my husband cut tile and unintentionally sprayed my back with tile sludge.  It most certainly was not his fault.  The saw was only inches away from my back, it couldn't really be avoided.  I shouldn't complain though.  At least this time we have walls.  Last time we remodeled the bathroom, we didn't have walls for weeks.  The bathroom was completely open to the attic and to bathe, we would have to use a cup to collect the water from a pipe and just pour it on our bodies to wash.  Did I mention it was the dead of winter and the bathroom was probably only about 10 degrees above the outdoor temperature?  That was fun.  I kept reminding myself of that as this project dragged on longer than we ever anticipated.

Although it took over two weeks, cost us probably $800 more than we had budgeted, took at least 15 trips back and forth to Home Depot and nearly destroyed our marriage, that bathroom looks awesome.  We missed meals, got injured, went to bed angry, screamed at the kids, skipped showers, destroyed clothes and cried a lot but it had to be done and we are richer from the experience.  I've since made it up to my little ones by spending extra play time with them and showering them with tons of love, affection and millions of kisses.  Through it all, we have kids that we love more than anything and who still love us, a strong marriage and a beautiful bathroom - all of which we are very proud.  In the end I can honestly say that if I had to do it all again..... I would sooner burn the house to the ground.

Moral:  Do-it-Yourself Jobs are not for those with small children.  


*most definately