The "Work Sneeze"

I work in a very quiet, very corporate office.  I do my best to conform even though my base primal instincts are to be loud and borderline obnoxious.  I think I do a pretty good job of acting the part (most of the time).  I'm a pretty versatile person (I think).  But this is a conscious effort for me.  We all adjust our behavior to suit the environment.  Or at least, we all should.

This topic comes up because of some disruptive things that happen in my office, especially this time of year.  I've discussed this in length with my best friend already and we are on the same page.  If we agree, then the rest of the world should because we are pretty level-headed (we think).  What we discussed is the fact that among other behavior adjustments, when it comes to the workplace we have a designated "work sneeze".  It is a far cry from it's sister the "home sneeze" which has been responsible for ruining card games, startling neighbors and clearing fields of geese.  The "work sneeze" is a polite stifled version of an actual sneeze.  It's just a hint of what lies beneath.  Outwardly, this seems very controlled and almost endearing.  A cute little "eh-tehew" followed by a long exhale to decompress the back pressure.  We do it so as not to disrupt our co-workers.  Although it sounds demure, it often causes quite a bit of discomfort.  My ears tend to pop and my eyes sometimes feel like they've almost dislodged from their sockets.  But what choice do I have right?

Well, that may be changing.  It seems some people in my office do not follow this same code of conduct.  They may be setting a precedence for the rest of us to sneeze as we see fit, regardless of it's social implications.  I feel compelled to stop here and say that these are otherwise lovely people and I am not judging nor intending to insult in any way.  In fact, their sneezes provide a great break from the monotony and serve as the source of entertainment for a few of us, so I say Bravo to you!

However, as lovely as the sneezers are - WOWZA.  I can't believe they don't have to be taken away on stretchers.  I was getting a cup of coffee this morning and heard a series of sneezes that were so loud and violent that I was expecting to see widespread destruction when I walked back into common area.  To my surprise, all the cubes were standing and I believe everyone survived.  I, on the other hand, was nearly blown against the wall and I did lose a splash of coffee through the ordeal.  I don't know who was responsible for this sneeze and quite frankly, I would be afraid to approach the person anyway.  I do wonder though if they just don't think it's necessary to stifle or if they truly have no control over this.

I know when I'm at home and I have to sneeze I make an event of it.  Stifling all day at work creates an unexplained desire to want to really have at it when I feel one coming on.  At home, when I sneeze I really let loose.  I often times finish it off with sort-of a sing-song "...chooooooooooooooo" at the end.  I do laugh at myself, I'll admit it.  Other times I will actually yell as loud as I can a very throaty "AAAACHOOO!!".  It's all for my personal entertainment.  Luckily for me, the kids enjoy it when they aren't scared half to death.  My husband on the other hand usually will say "what the hell is wrong with you?" or otherwise just give me a peculiar glance and carry on about his life.

I get that a good powerful sneeze can really make you feel better.  God knows I do my share at home.  I can even admit to times when I accidentally let loose a "home sneeze" in the office but at least I'm mortified when I do so.  So folks can we all just agree that in the workplace, we try our best to keep it below a 2.5 on the Richter Scale?   Thanks!